It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
