Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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