I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
