Got a toothbrush?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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