I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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