I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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