Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i out mim tonsoeep
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
