Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
