He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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