I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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