I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
