I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
