I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
