we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
