I'm lost and stupid without you.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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