1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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