life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
