You're so nebulous sometimes
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
