she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
