Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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