can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just tell him i said nine months
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
