Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
