Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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