So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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