btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
