There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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