Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
