matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Congratulations! We have a period
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