I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
