She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
