Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
