Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
