She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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