life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
