I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Randomize
