I just pynch a tree in the face
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
4 words: hood of his car
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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