just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
