she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
