Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
