I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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