now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
