he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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