If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
