Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
