the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
