it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
two words: eviction party
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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