Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
