the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
