I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
