Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i now understand why vodka
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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